Closer I get to her

It has been quite sometime i didnt long into this lonely hearts and speak my hearts out. In fact, i totally forget about this blog. Not because Im no longer lonely, but because I've been keeping myself busy to avoid feeling lonely.

I met her, someone who's living in a high profile. Despite feeling sometimes she over react to something and sometimes too 'kan cheong', still I find her quite an interesting person and have a very strong determination to achieve wat she wants in life. I admire her. However, she is a close fren of the girl whom I'm in love with before and today, the particular girl is no longer in the country.

Even though my heart spells out whom I love most, but the closer I get to her, the more she makes me feel. Somehow I did not go any further cos I know, I am no where close to her, I'm only a guy in the street, while she is someone high profile and living in a very luxurious life. Unlike myself, need to skip meals to save enough for the next meal. I'm just another man in the street.

However, lately, I realised that all these while, she treats me good as her companion and not because she felt me. I am stupid to think she might, I mean MIGHT fall for me. But that doesnt gonna happen. However, I'm more than happy to be able to stand by her side and support her and be there for her when she needed me.

Lately, after receiving news from my company, sending me outstation permanently, my moods went up and down like a fast moving thermometer. But I dare not to tell her. I'm sure she wont feel anything. Afterall, she have so many friends around her, unlike myself, the only fren I have is my bolster. I cried everynight, with my DVD as my sleeping pills, who knows. Vain but thats me, cos I'm lonesome. But who cares? No one.

I guess after I leave KL, things would be better for everyone, I just hope that she would be able to find a replacement, at least someone who is willing to stand by her side. I will soon be forgotten, and I really see myself as bachelor for the years to come.

I finally lost her..

Today she msn me in sudden..saying i didnt talk to her.. I dun think she knows why I didnt..I have to act strong.. act so tough that she was the one with problem.. but i lose it...

I dont know how to continue with my life.. Here im sitting comfortably in office..earning that small pay.. there..i have to make decision to leave..cos my dad's shop left only 2 years and they will be out of job and i have to support my family..Its not easy..but only if she can see what i am going through..

She said she cried last week cos she dun feel the love anymore.. But im happy at least she now slowly losing her love to me.. so she can find someone better.. But she doesnt know how hurt I am inside for losing everything I ever love..

Perharps she will find someone one day..

Today is the last time I'm chatting with her as BF.. no longer she will be..she will soon find someone new.. someone whom loves me more than I do.. someone who cherish her..at least..someone who can support her financially..

Why my life has to be so difficult.. I cried almost everynight thinking about my life... But i have to do something about it.. Im trying..and tried very hard.. I just hope God would one day, give me a chance to stand up.. Even I am standing now..alone.. without someone who loves me..

Winds of change

It reminds me the song sung by Scorpion, Winds of Change. Somehow, the wind is breezing through now. I never thought I would decide to start writing a blog, but since I have no one to share my heart talk, I've decided to write one today.

Lately has been a very dramatic moments for me. This phase where some call it mid ge crisis, is happening. Way too early for a kid like me.

I somehow felt I'm losing contact with everyone on this living planet. I felt so lonely.

I know I hurt someone. I have no choice. Looking at another side, I felt it's a wise decision to leave her as I am moving towards some place which I am not familiar. Im owing bank a lot of money. I am nearly to bankrupt. I dont really what can I do now except pushing her away.

Some might think I'm a player to do so, especially my family, but in actual fact, how can I go after another when I have to cut my meals to save myself some coins.

I felt like crying everynight, but no one listen. In office, no one was there. I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. Have you felt should you take lunch or not? To save money, you cant take cos colleague all quite rich. I dont take, I'll be alone in office. Sometimes I just don't feel to be in office.

I really dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried my best but things just dont work out right. Just my luck.